Gun Owner Spends Another Disappointing Night Without Home Invasion bit.ly/3WbtrAS

May 21, 2023 · 11:30 PM UTC

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Replying to @TheOnion
not funny. that’s like saying an insurance owner laments not needing to utilize their policy.
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Replying to @TheOnion @lumbjackwharfie
Remember when the onion use to be funny?
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Replying to @TheOnion
I’ve noticed that everyone who thinks nobody needs a gun hasn’t needed one yet.
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Replying to @TheOnion
Mothers of writers for the Onion concerned that their fake laugh may become too obvious over time. “Jeffrey keeps running these boring agitprop jokes by me and I try to vary my intonation of my fake laugh, but I’m worried he’ll notice.” One Mother said according to several anonymous sources.
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Replying to @TheOnion
I've known people for whom this isn't satire... 🙄
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Replying to @TheOnion
If you want to live in peace you must prepare for war.
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Replying to @TheOnion
there are plenty of school bus stops he could be at
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Replying to @TheOnion
So much pain not being able to practice my second amendment right to murder 😭😔😤
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Replying to @TheOnion
There's still hope. Maybe somebody driving by will turn around in his driveway or a delivery driver mistakes his address for someone else.
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Replying to @TheOnion
When he gets desperate, he'll open all the windows and play "We Built This City" over and over again at full volume, forcing his neighbors to invade the home.
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